Dah 3 tahun lebih aku dekat blog ni, macam macam aku cerita, share, lepaskan. This is like my journal, everything that happened, i'll write it in here. Setiap orang mungkin pernah rasa, macam mana rasanya ada orang ke-3. Dibelakangkan. dd, i know things werent like before, and i know it'll never be. Your love, your care, your sincerity, your jokes, the way you look at me, the way you talked to me, the way you texted me, I know it is so different now. I feel like talking to strangers that i just met 3 days ago. But the truth is, its been 3 years we shared almost everything. I'm gonna change my blog URL, so that you dont read this. i dont want anyone to know. i'm not begging for your sympathy. Sincerely, everything that i typed here, it comes from heart. Most of the time, i write it in tears. But, nobody knows. Its okay, i hold back. i know there is no more love from you for me. I've realised. dd, i loved you with all my heart. I mean it. I love you too much, its insane! I lose my appetite this few days, idk why. i dont feel hungry at all. is this what we called love? or i'm just a crazy lunatic bitch yang perasannnnnnnnnnn lebih? I know I am. It doesnt affect you at all. I just wait for time to heal everything. Everything happens for a reason. I'm sure Allah have the best reason, i just have to be strong. there must be a Hikmah soon. InsyaAllah. Assalamualaikum.

Dah lama pasrah dengan apa yang jadi. Tak ada siapa yang boleh terima kekurangan orang lain. Apa nak jadi, jadilah. Dah tak kuat nak tanggung semua ni. Allah je yang tahu. Luaran je nampak kuat, tabah. Dalaman dah lama mati. Hidup sebab tanggungjawab. Kena pikul juga tak kira apa halangan yang datang. Ya Allah, kalau ni dugaan kau untuk aku, berilah aku kekuatan...

I seriously want to kill the bitch. budak2 lagi, tak matured kot? oh ok. its okay. memang style budak telok gadong ke gaduh sebab lelaki? Lol, mgs doesnt do tht, even if they did, i wont. i'm professional, i got my own class, please bitch. Ain't got time for you..

I let things happen again, i hold back. everything, my tears and my fears, my sadness. All. I just move on and let Allah planned it. I just live it. everything that happened, i accept it until one fine day. i cannot assure you when, but there will be the time. The time where it all revealed and proven. InsyaAllah. x

Alhamdulilah.

Yesterday dd ajak datang beraya kat rumah dia, but i still not sure nak datang. sebab tak ada transport. but then, scha came home. ajak dia, then dia terus nak. dah siap semua, takut gila nak datang. segan la k. bawa motor pun slow sangat. haha. Dah sampai tu lagi la cuak! Nampak muka dd, haaa lega sikit. then dia ajak masuk, pastu salam ibu, kakak dia apa semua. Lega sikit. hahhh. Then borak ngan dd je, ibu kat dapur. takpelah, takut juga kalau ibu tanya pape. haha. Nasib baik everything went well. Nanti kita gi beli baju anak kaklong ngan anak abang sekali k dd? hahaha i know you will read this.. I'm glad that everything is back as how it used to be. Alhamdulilah syukur. I love you to infinity, dd. :)

I just died.

anyone who buy this for me, would be the very special person in my heart. haha lol cam mintak mintak, kidding. i hope to gather this soon, after my spm. cause i literally dont have anyone to think of, so i wont be thinking of something stupid that makes me burst my tears. say no more! each book is RM139++ ugh sooooooo mahal. but i'll try to kumpul. thats my promise to my self. haha. when i have this, no more disturbance k! haaa padan muka. i will just spent my time here. anyway, selamat hari raya readers! i seek forgiveness if i may have hurt yall. have a good one :)

what did i do wrong? where did i went wrong?

Is it wrong for me just to seek your attention? your love and your care? i just want you to notice me, care about me for once. just a little bit of love, thats it. i miss the old you, totally. now in your heart, most probably too much hatred for me. i just crave some of your times, and it all screwed bcs of that stupid status update. u like to use harsh word, u dont talk politely and alluringly to me anymore, u used rough tone, and made me feel that i better stay away from you.. i'm not a happiness to you is it? tell me, i'll back off. i cried so badly after the incident, then my mom called and asked 'ko kenapa nangis?' then i said 'mana ada, org kan selsema' 'oh ok ok' i dont know what else to answer.. i hate it when it comes to this, i pray to god everyday that things would get back as how it used to be. amin.